mountaineer




check this out ~ funny

http://www.fortliberty.org/patriotic-humor/the-difference-republican-democrat-women.shtml





the Men's side

 Finally , the guys' side of the story.
>   ( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
>   We always hear ' the rules '
>   From the female side.
>
>
>
>   Now here are the rules from the male side.
>   These are our rules!
>   Please note... these are all numbered '1'
>   ON PURPOSE!
>
>
>

>
>
>   1. Men are NOT mind readers.
>
>   1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
>   You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
>   We need it up, you need it down.
>   You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
>
>   1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
>   or the changing of the tides.
>   Let it be.
>
>   1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
>   And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
>
>   1. Crying is blackmail.
>
>   1. Ask for what you want.
>   Let us be clear on this one:
>   Subtle hints do not work!
>   Strong hints do not work!
>   Obvious hints do not work!
>   Just say it!
>
>   1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
>
>   1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
>what we do.
>   Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
>   1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
>
>   See a doctor.
>
>   1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
>   In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
>
>   1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us
>to act like soap opera guys.
>
>   1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
>   Don't ask us.
>
>   1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them
>makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one
>
>   1. You can either ask us to do something
>   Or tell us how you want it done.
>   Not both.
>   If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
>
>   1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
>commercials.
>
>   1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
>
>   1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
>   Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
>have no idea what mauve is.
>
>   1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
>   We do that.
>
>   1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like
>nothing's wrong.
>   We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we
>know you will bring it up again later.
>
>   1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer
>you don't want to hear.
>
>   1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...
>Really .
>
>   1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
>discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
>
>   1. You have enough clothes.
>
>   1. You have too many shoes.
>
>   1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!





blaming others~cute

Let's see if I understand how the world works lately.


If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work,


he blames the restaurant.


If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer,


Your family blames the tobacco company.



If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he


blames the bartender.

If your grandchildren are brats without manners,


You blame television.


If your friend is shot by a deranged madman,

you blame the gun manufacturer.


And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead,


the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.


I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore. 


So, if I die while my old, wrinkled butt is parked in front of this computer,


I want all of you to blame Bill Gates 
    


 





Great email I had to post

Let's say I break into your house

A lady wrote the best letter in the Editorials
in ages!!!  It explains things better than all
the baloney you hear on TV.


Her point:

Recently large demonstrations have taken place
across the country protesting the fact that Congress
is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration.

Certain people are angry that
the US might protect its own
borders, might make it harder
to sneak into this country and,
once here, to stay indefinitely.

Let me see if I correctly understand
the thinking behind these protests.
 Let's say I break into your house.
Let's say that when you discover
me in your house, you insist that I leave.

But I say, 'I've made all
the beds and washed the
dishes and did the laundry
and swept the floors.  I've
done all the things you don't
like to do.  I'm hard-working
 and honest
(except for when I broke into your house).

According to the protesters:

You are Required to let me stay in your house
You are Required to add me to your family's insurance plan
You are Required to Educate my kids
You are Required to Provide other benefits to me & to my family

(my husband will do all of your yard work because
he is also hard-working and honest, except for that
breaking in part).

If you try to call the police or force me out,
I will call my friends who will picket your
house carrying signs that proclaim my
RIGHT to be there.


It's only fair, after all, because you have
a nicer house than I do, and I'm just
trying to better myself.  I'm a hard-working
and honest, person, except for well,
you know, I did break into your house

And what a deal it is for me!!!

I live in your house, contributing only a
fraction of the cost of my keep, and
there is nothing you can do about it
without being accused of cold,
uncaring, selfish, prejudiced, and
bigoted behavior.

Oh yeah, I DEMAND that you to learn
MY LANGUAGE!!! so you can
communicate with me.


Why can't people see how ridiculous
this is?! Only in America .
if you agree, pass it on (in English).
Share it if you see the value of  it.


If not blow it off.........
along with your future Social Security
funds, and a lot of other things.




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